The Goose Egg

The localiest of local newsletters, since 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON

Hey Buddy,

Sorry I missed your birthday, it’s just that work has been a killer lately. You understand.

Actually, my new nutritional supplements business is really starting to take off. I’m selling this new product I’m really excited about called “NutriWin”. The way it works is, that it actually stimulates your body to make its own muscles for itself. Needless to say it’s going to be a real game-changer when it gets approved by the FDA.

I mean, like, you could get in on this too if you want, all you have to do is buy the $1800 starter kit and after that you’re basically your own boss. And if you subscribe to the seminar series, “NutriWin” will give you all the sales tools you need to be a success. It really works too. I’ve only been doing this for 3 months, and I’m already a silver medallion level sales executive.

I’ve even made enough money to pay for ALL of your new step-mom’s English lessons down at the Y. You don’t have to take my word for it, though.

Just look up what Jan-Michael Vincent from the hit television show, Airwolf, has to say about “NutriWin”. And If you mention my name sign up I also get a $500 bonus and a Chipotle gift card.

So what do you say? You want to throw your old dad a bone? Maybe we can hang out the next time I’m in town. Hey, you’re 21 now, so we could go get a drink at the bar. You’re buying!

Haha, just kidding, I’ll buy my own drink.

-Dad

This week is breathtakingly bad advertising copy. 

This week is breathtakingly bad advertising copy. 

Now Available For Bar Mitzfahs!

Not Logan! He’s Too Young To Die!….

OR IS HE?!?!

The 2014 Winter Boylympics - Men’s Screaming Finals

Now that’s more like it

The GooseEgg Presents: Welcome To Florida I

Yet another rejected video for Sex With Emily - this time, an intro to her sex toy review videos

That didn’t work as well as we thought it would

When you’re this good, it just writes itself

When you’re this good, it just writes itself

criminalwisdom:

"Satan Tempting Booth To The Murder Of The President"  1865 lithograph by John L. Magee of Philadelphia. (Via)

criminalwisdom:

"Satan Tempting Booth To The Murder Of The President"
1865 lithograph by John L. Magee of Philadelphia. (Via)